Wednesday, February 08, 2006

You have the audacity to present me with that guitar sound, you idiot? It's an insult!

In 1997 The Onion interviewed Dennis Flemion.

O: What's the worst song on the radio right now?

DF: Um, I don't know. What's that silly one? That one I fucking... I don't know the names of them; I just hear them. I would never purchase their... If you're all listening, I would never purchase your shit, ever. I will never support you. And mind you, these bands are selling millions, so fuck 'em. At least the big ones like us. I don't know. And we're good! Why can't we get the throngs? What is with these idiots? Why won't they come? I don't know, you analyze all this stuff after a while. Maybe it's a sex thing; maybe our band has to be more sexual, have more sex appeal. If they like your face... Almost invariably, all the bands that succeed are the ones with a lead singer who's good-looking. It's funny that that's not dumped upon, that people don't say, "You know, that's played out. That's not cool anymore. If you do that, you're an asshole and an idiot. We're going to laugh at you, as if you were in Vegas. You've got a fuzz pedal? Phhht. Blow me. You've got a big amp? Get the fuck out. Ooh! You've got big amps! Ooh! I'm impressed. The lead singer's got his shirt off?" I don't know. Bring a gun. That's got to be the new thing in rock. After the millennium, there has to be a guaranteed one death per show. Not the rock star—it's in his court. You take a chance going to the rock show. Somebody's going to die that night, guaranteed. The lead singer runs out, the band's just starting to jam, and boom! He just shoots, and then starts singing. That'd be perfect for a video.

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